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An Invitation to Personal Growth

Conflict isn’t optional… The very health of your organization and your personal relationships depend on the ability to face conflict head on. CONFLICT JUJITSU® mimics the martial arts in its use of energyCONFLICT JUJITSU® seeks to harness the energy of conflict and to ethically turn the other person’s energy towards finding a mutually beneficial solution.

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Significance of Conflict

FACETS OF CONFLICT JUJITSU®

Get Quiet… By getting quiet we increase our ability to choose an appropriate response to provocation. We neither cower nor give “the best speech we will ever regret.” We strive to be response-able rather than reactive. We understand the way our brain is wired to work in conflict and use that knowledge to our advantage. We don’t escalate the conflict by infusing our own energy too soon.

Get Quiet

Listen to Understand… We listen carefully with all our senses and rephrase the message we have heard. This gives the other person a chance to correct any misperception we have about their meaning. Additionally this allows the other person to hear themselves and perhaps learn their own problems as they speak. Listening in this way is not just about being nice… It is strategic. We are rewarded through this discipline by gaining invaluable insight into the other person.

Listen to Understand

Get Curious… The underlying real issues are often hidden. As we get curious, we look past smokescreens, past bluster, past fronts, to uncover the real driving issues in the conflict. We come to learn that anger is a secondary emotion and become curious about the emotions that may be preceding the other’s anger.

Get Curious

Get Creative Together… Whenever possible it is best to create solutions with the other person.When the other person has a stake in the solution, compliance is more likely and the agreement will be more durable.

Get Creative Together

Seek Accountability… First, we must hold ourselves accountable to behave correctly. Sometimes we must confront our Opponent/Partner’s mistaken behavior and skillfully hold our Opponent/Partner accountable when boundaries have been violated. Sometimes we must bring smoldering, hidden antagonism into the open.

Seek Accountability

Get Vulnerable… This really means being open to the possibility that we might be wrong. This is not an act of weakness but rather evidence of personal strength. Our own ability to be wrong invites others to admit their own mistakes and likewise open themselves to us. Our openness has the potential of building trust and a sense of safety in others. When people feel safe productive conflict becomes possible.

Get Vulnerable
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